Wednesday, May 23, 2007

News From Da Bayou

Two important bits of news from Baton Rouge:
1) Les Miles has indefinitely suspended uber-recruit and backup QB, Ryan Perrilloux for attempting to board the Hollywood riverboat casino with a fake ID. Where else but Louisiana does a star football player get suspended for wanting to gamble so bad that he can't stand the shore? We have video poker in every gas station in the state, Ryan. The lottery supposedly supports LSU. You just had to play cards, huh?

While this is a great episode in the lore of LSU off-the-field problems, it cannot surpass the Larry Foster purse snatching incident or the Jamie Brandon kidnapping and boarder run, both of the late '90s.

What was Perrilloux thinking? "I'm the biggest football recruit to ever come out of south Louisiana. I made a huge fiasco out of my recruiting such that everyone in the state knows who I am. I play for perhaps the most rabid, obsessive group of fans in the country. I can slip this fake ID by security." You'll also recall that Perrilloux is under federal investigation for counterfeiting. I'm not sure the casinos are a good place to swap fake bills for real ones. They seem to take security seriously, evidenced by the security camera in the free drink they brought me last time I was in one.

My guess is that Perrilloux will be holding the clipboard for LSU's opener. "Indefinite suspension" in Louisiana is code for "stadium steps, booster cash under the table, voodoo ceremony, no missed playing time."
2) LSU is widely expected to issue a "suck it" statement to PETA when they replace Mike the Tiger who died last week. The animal rights group has urged LSU officials to forgo a live mascot. LSU officials should reply with roaring opposition to such a plan. The practical reason is that they just spent millions on a plush tiger habitat. But, the logical reason is that PETA is being stupid. LSU takes an endangered animal, gives it all the food it wants, provides endless medical care for the animal at its vet school, houses the animal in a multimillion dollar habitat and you think that is bad, PETA? Every animal should have it so good.